Quick, charge up the defribillator to 2 peaceful nights of Shoelace staying with his uncle in Spain.
Clear.
POW.
Beeeeeeeeeep.
Nothing.
Increase the charge to 4 nights without Shoelace worries.
Clear.
POW.
Beeeeeeeeeep.
Still nothing.
Right, take it all the way up to 6 nights.
Oh doctor, are you sure? Think of the side effects.
Just do it. We’ve got no choice if we are ever going to get Mojo back.
Clear!
KERPOW!
Beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep.
It worked.
Mojo is alive!
But still very weak. We shall have to take great care over the next few weeks.
I prescribe one bowl of oats to be taken every morning.
Increase water therapy to a minimum of 2kms swimming weekly.
Book a therapeutic weekend away with Fat Fella in a beautiful 14th century inn. This must include bracing walks, breath-taking scenery, delicious dinners and a substantial amount of good wine. Maybe a bit of shopping.
I have been silent for a while because it made no sense to me to try and write about a journey to better health, while feeling as lousy as I have been for the past few weeks. But at last I seem to have turned a corner. My chest is almost clear and the ear infection has gone and the nasty side effects from the antibiotics are waning.
In other good news, I was delighted when I weighed myself after a month of holiday hedonism and self-pitying indulgence to discover that I haven’t gained any weight at all. In fact, I may have even lost a little bit. Plus I have found going back to not eating sugar surprisingly easy, and I have reverted to having alcohol only on the weekends. I definitely plan to try and cut that back some more.
Now I think my next step is to think of ways of increasing my fitness. As I have mentioned, I walk my dog every day for an hour. I suppose I could simply focus on making those walks a bit speedier and sweatier.
Running instead of walking the dog could be a good option. — Image by Mabel Amber, still incognito… from Pixabay
But I think I need something more. I am considering taking up a completely new sport, or perhaps going back to something I have enjoyed in the past. There are so many possibilities and I need to do a bit of research to find something that will slot into my lifestyle easily.
A few things spring to mind immediately, but it is ironic that the very reason I need to exercise more (being fat) limits my choices. Many riding stables, for example, have weight limits for riders simply because they don’t have big enough horses to carry heavier riders. I used to be a keen runner, but I don’t think my poor old bones, muscles and ligaments would cope with the kind of pounding they would get from all that fat bouncing around as I jog. Someone I know has just started rowing and that appeals to me, but I reckon I’d sink the boat!
A horse’s reaction to seeing me approaching wearing jodphurs. — Image by Charles Rondeau from Pixabay
Practicalities aside there is also the social awkwardness of being a big fat person trying to huff and puff and keep up with others, not to mention the difficulty in getting sports clothes that are not too hideously embarrassing. I think I should start a sports clothing company called “Fat Girls Run Too”. It would be great to find sports clothes that were roomy enough to be comfortable, but still shaped properly so you didn’t look like a shuffling circus tent when exercising. (Apologies if there is already such a company – I did a quick google and nothing popped up.)
As I write this, I have had an idea. I am going to investigate it a bit and tell you more once/if I start doing it.
Tomorrow, I discover if all that lovely porridge I have been eating has resulted in my cholesterol levels dropping. I do hope so.
Confessions of a Menopausal Lard Arse 